For some of you February 14th (aka Valentine’s Day) stirs up a whole big bunch of sad and angry. Yep. Been there. My first devastating Valentine’s Day showed up less than a month after my husband moved out. I felt alone and ashamed. While others were showered with fancy dinners and chocolates, I felt abandoned and unloved. My internal message loop was on turbo: “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone love ME?”
Social media relentlessly offered “10 ways to love yourself” advice. “I don’t want to love myself,” I screamed at my computer screen. “I want someone else to love me!”
I was distraught until one of my closest friends stepped in. She compassionately invited me to bring my focus away from the one person who didn’t love me and to the many who did. She even suggested I swap out photos in my house so that when I walked around I was surrounded by my loving friends and family (including my dog.)
I took her advice. Not only did I start to recognize abundant love in my life, I also gave myself permission to step out of the duality of Valentine’s Day. It didn’t need to be about the loved and unloved. I could be sad and single while noticing that love existed in my life. I learned to be alone without begrudging the flower and greeting card crowd.
That was three years ago. Today, I’m able to appreciate the many sources of love in my life. For the most part, I’m neutral toward Valentine’s Day. This year, I might buy myself flowers. Or maybe I won’t. Either way, I’m feeling solid and can acknowledge occasional echoes of past sadness.
My story is not your story or your process. I simply offer it as a compassionate invitation to give February 14th less power over you. I invite you to step away from duality and toward self-honor.
Be gentle with your heart and spirit, dear one. Pop me a note if you need support.